Glad i asked

Yesterday, as i was enjoying the increasingly rare opportunity to be just Mommy all day, something interesting and wonderful happened. Beric came up to me as i was sitting in the chair in the living room and he put both of his hands around my arm and gave a squeeze and at the same time he made a very intense face. Maybe because i had been holding space the day before and was still in that holding/noticing mode, i thought to stop him and ask what he was thinking as he did that. He climbed up and curled up into my lap and looked into my face very thoughtfully. Then said, "I was thinking of all the love I share with you."

Mmmmmmm. Total body hum....

After the moment ended and he went back to rolling around with his brother, i found myself reflecting a bit as i watched them wrestling like little kittens. Children are so connected to their hearts and their bodies. They can still experience directly the heart as a generous organ. When a child tells you they love you, it just spills out of them--an overflow of the openness and joy of the present moment. And we hear it as the gift it is. Simple and direct.

Watching them wrestle i see the message of love too. The way they touch each other in play constantly communicates and reaffirms the bond of love they share. There is no separation; feeling, thought and action are in alignment. And i wonder, as their mother, how can i help to preserve this instinct for authenticity, as the dulling pressure of propriety encroaches?

And how do we do that for ourselves--reclaim that gift? --those of us who play with the idea that a different consciousness is possible and therefore a different way of being together. What a challenging thought experiment to try and discern which boundaries actually matter (good and wise structure) and which merely repress. To cast the mind forward into a potentiality where alignment is the norm--and to wonder what we might be like.

No answers here...just more shining questions...and a full and generous heart.

Love ya all
Mmmmmmmmm

Away for a couple of days

I'm going to be offline again for a few days. See you early next week.

a little riff on contraction

Contraction. From the Latin, con - trakere...to draw together.

I have been expending a lot of energy for some time now--okay years--in working to deepen my understanding of defendedness or the contraction of the heart. Why does it happen? 'Cause it seems to happen all the time...even when we are conscious and have strong intent...fear, the great contractor, is ever-present it seems. Through our conscious practice, we can intercede and remain open, we can choose to act, speak, risk, connect. But isn't it interesting that a word that means something as simple as to draw together, has such painful associations.

Here's just a few...
Of course, the one that is still pretty present in my mind...the contractions of labour...lots of pain--got to keep thinking about opening--and on the other side a new life is born into the world.

And then there's the contraction of the heart...that cold and painful feeling when the heart closes in on itself in the presence of fear. The feeling of smallness, of failure, of loss of self...when our courage doesn't match our intention. And if our courage is up to the test, there's the pain of stretching open the heart, of surrendering to the emergent moment. Drawing together is always a significant act of faith.

Ken Wilber describes the ego as the contraction of the Self. And i have experienced this so far, only when sitting with and exploring the nature of defendedness. Then i can feel the painful contraction, the drawing in, the shortening, the narrowing, of the expansive Self. The ego at these times feels like some little creature fluttering fearfully, heart pounding, subject to so many judgements, desires, and attachments.

Contraction--to draw together. Not so simple. And just that simple. When we talk about drawing together, when we form the intention to create intimacy, we will encounter contraction. And what can keep us moving forward, what can open the heart in the face of fear, is faith in the significance and the joy of what can be born on the other side of uncertainty.

If we want more intimacy, if we want more peace, if we want to truly know each other, then we have to practice jumping into space without a net--often. (Now you don't have to start out with a mountain cliff, mind you...the couch will do for a start...) (Certain readers of this blog will recognize this as a note to self...i have a habit of cliff jumping...problem with beginner's mind and all...)

poverty and regionalism in Canada

From Charity Village this morning:

According to the most recent report released by Social Watch, a coalition of 400 non-governmental organizations from 50 countries, poverty is rising among children and new immigrants in Canada, and the middle class is finding it increasingly difficult to afford education and housing. The report on Canada examines why the country has failed to make serious progress in the fight against poverty and inequality. It also demonstrates how a commitment to "small government" feeds regionalism and inequality, and how economic growth alone cannot reduce poverty and inequality, or improve access to basics needs and services.

The report is available here: Social Watch Report on Canada 2005
And consider a visit to the Social Watch site itself...some very interesting information available there .

Open Space Sangha debuts

Well, it's finally done--enough. I can't get the template the way i want it, but so be it...enough fiddling! It's time to announce the birth of Open Space Sangha, a new team blog that i am administering. Go have a peek and see what it's all about ... in the beginning...

the fifth practice?

orb spider in web
Originally uploaded by the view from in here.

With our upcoming Open Space practice workshop taking up much of my reflective time, i have, of course, been dwelling on the practices even more than usual. And one of the things that seems to be emerging out of all this, is that perhaps there are actually five practices, not four. The four practices emerged out of a blend of the work and thinking of Angeles Arrien (Four-fold way), Ken Wilber (Brief History of Everything, etc..), Harrison Owen (Open Space Tech), Michael Herman and Chris Corrigan (Open Space Tech: A User's Non-Guide). The four-fold nature of the maps used in uncovering the practices don't explicitly name the fifth dimension, but it is present in all of them--the centre/perimeter.

As we explore the interconnections and watch carefully for the essential practices for growing the capacity to open space, we have noticed that the quality of the centre/perimeter is stillness. And that inner stillness can sure come in handy in many situations that arise when we work with others. The centre also can be the symbol for mystery and Spirit. Two other things it's good to remember and think about as we work in open space.

Here's an excerpt from an article in a series called Peaceful Practices that i wrote about five or six years ago. It addresses the first essential practice for peaceful living.

We begin by taking time to stop—by sitting quietly and beginning to observe the inner and outer dimensions of our lives. We take time to look at our busyness, the constant distractions around and within us. We can begin to observe the thoughts that flicker constantly through our minds and how we react and feel towards them. When we stop, we encourage our minds and our bodies to relax. We learn to be still and to slow down. When we begin from stillness, from the place of stopping, our actions become more effective—we do more things well, more peacefully.

Some practices i know of that support inner stillness are meditation, yoga, and prayer. Do you know of others?

And what do you think? What has your experience been? Is stillness at the centre the fifth practice?

oh how deep it's buried...

I was reading Raffi's blog this evening and was surprised by my reaction to one of the photos. It shows a couple of soldiers at Lenin's tomb. And the caption asks, "Why the guards?" What surprised me was the shiver of fear that I felt as I looked at the image of the Russian soldiers. Particularly surprised, because as a teenager, during the cold war, i worked extensively as a volunteer writer, editor, moderator and coordinator with a program that promoted global awareness. I met many Russians. I wrote articles on disarmament and peace. I read and educated myself. And still the iconic cold-war image of the Russian soldier snuck its way in there.

Here at home, most of our national monuments have guards. They're part of the experience--i hate to say it, but honestly, they are part of the scenery. I don't even think about them. I'm certainly not afraid of them...so why when i think about seeing foreign military guarding a national monument, do i feel fear? And it was definitely iconic--the whole parade in Red Square kind of thing--not just fear of men with guns in general (which is a perfectly reasonable fear in my books). It's interesting how these triggers lie hidden, like land mines, in the unconscious. How many of these unrecognized fears assault us every day? How often are we held back--or is an unnecessary separation created--by old, unconscious patterns, icons, images, beliefs, fears--on a daily basis?

So much work to do...so little brain to spare...

a new blog to open our i's to

Hi all,

My buddy Raffi in Moscow has just joined the ranks of the blog-and-post. His bilingual blog (English/Russian) Maaskva Nashimi glazami, Moscow in our i's, is trip into the heart of Moscow and the heart of Raffi. A couple of wee samples...

Might it be then, that "creating time and space" is first of all about being at home with yourself? Might it be that being at home with oneself is essentially all that we are called to do in life?

I met Larisa today walking out of the metro. She wanted to hit me up for 10 rubles. As a rule, I don't like to give spare, er, banknotes. And, if have a chance, I do offer to buy a person food. Larisa wanted a belyash, a fried meat pastry. The belyashi stand was too far away, so she settled for a ham and cheese stand at a Kroshka Kartoshka fast food stand. Kroshka Kartoshka's main menu item are baked potatoes and toppings. They are a must-try for anyone wanting to experience local fast food.

Larisa refers to Moscow as full of proizvol (despotism, tyranny, arbitrariness) because of her plight. She is on the street because she can't get an internal passport. She can't get an internal passport because the local militsia (police) have designs on her apartment. She can't prove it's her apartment because she doesn't have a passport. Her story is a common one.

For those who enjoy an insiders look into a different world, i think this will be one to watch.

ecology of thought

I am just digging into William Isaacs, "Dialogue" and if possible i am growing even more excited about this path i am on. The potential for transformation inherent in bringing people together in meaningful dialogue about what matters is immense--and the reality of becoming an ever more skillful host of these conversations is compelling. With every page i turn my sense of delight and joy increases. Here is my favourite bit from today, talking about the underlying atmosphere that is critical to whether we can talk together well or not:

This atmosphere within our own consciousness is generated, very simply, by the ways we think and feel--the levels of internal freedom we allow oursleves, the inclusiveness we are able to sustain, the authenticity we are able to muster, the flexibility of perspective we are able to take, and the stability and spaciousness we have in our hearts.

Of course our atmosphere is not separate from others. Our feelings and habits of thinking are part of a complex web that links us all together; it is our "ecology of thought." This ecology is the living network of memory and awareness, one that is not limited to any single person but is in fact held collectively. It is the matrix that informs us the world is a certain way and that problems can be solved in only a certain way. Out of this ecology comes the collective atmosphere in which we all live and work.

I find the four practices reflected strongly here. The capacity for spaciousness in the heart and internal freedom--opening; inclusiveness and authenticity--invitation; flexibility of perspective--holding; stability of the heart--the still centre; and the fourth--grounding--is implied in the capacity these others create for learning new behaviours.

Gonna be a lot more of this one quoted here in the next few weeks, i'm thinking....

Couple of priceless family moments

A mother's delight...
Yesterday morning i came round to conciousness about 6:30 and the house was still all quiet, so i laid there enjoying the last few moments of rest and listening for the first stirring of the little ones. And what beautiful sounds come to my ears?

Beric: I love you Ro Ro.
Rowan: I love you Ber Ber.
Beric: I love you Ro Ro.
Rowan: I love you Ber Ber.

This continues for about five minutes and i can hear them hugging each other. It doesn't get any better.

And over dishes...
George: Leadership is dead...Sorry, but it is...We've gone beyond it. What we need are examples.

You just never know what's gonna be next around here...Anybody want some Ogre-urt?

symbolic violence

I was doing a little reading on narrative analysis and came across a new concept...symbolic violence. This term relates to behaviour whereby one party is asserting that what matters to the other party is inferior and therefore the other party is inferior. I guess this really comes into play when we are examining our stories and storytelling for their moral value. If we understand that a lot of learning occurs through storytelling and other dialogic means, then the respecting of the value of the inherent moral content, worldview, or cultural context of the story is essential to the respecting of the speaker and our capacity to learn or create meaning from what we hear. By devaluing the moral/cultural/symbolic content of the story, the perpetrator does violence to the speaker and the speaker's culture. Interesting.

This article is full of interesting goodies, like this...

How does the act of storytelling work dialogically, not so much to claim others’ recognition for the self’s authenticity, but rather to fashion that authenticity out of recognitions that the story provides for? How are dialogical relationships both the topic of the story, its content, and also the goal of telling the story, its process? Again, authenticity is interpersonal. Before Taylor’s emphasis on dialogue comes the classic statement of Mikhail Bakhtin (1929/1984), writing on Dostoevsky: "To portray the inner man…was possible only by portraying his communion with another. Only in communion, in the interactions of one person with another, can the ‘man in man’ be revealed, for others as well as for oneself" (p. 252). Stories, as dialogue, do not present a self formed before the story is told. Rather in stories the person "becomes for the first time that which [she or] he is–and we repeat, not only for others but for himself [or herself] as well" (p. 252). Narrative analysis can show how that process of becoming "for the first time" works, even as the analysis itself is another stage in this on-going process.

Nifty.

Opening Space, questions, trust, and the still centre

Roots the centre
Originally uploaded by the view from in here.

Back from more Open Space. This time as part of a team of five Gulf Island OSers lead by Chris Corrigan and including Val Embree, Beverly Neff, and Nancy McPhee. Much appreciation, love and gratitude to all of them for an amazing weekend of co-learning, conversation, and fun.

The Open Space brought together citizen representatives from all of the Island's in the Islands Trust. They spent two days in dialogue about the future of the Islands Trust and ways they could support its preserve and protect mandate.

There were many learning conversations that took place across the weekend, and one that is still unfolding and capturing my attention is about questions. As always, when the initial learning is significant, i tend to keep pushing at the edges to uncover more mysteries beneath...having had a taste of the juiciness of the topic. I have started to pay attention to how i respond when asked a question, to what i am about when i ask a question, and to what others seem to be about when they ask questions.

There's way too much here to post all at once, so i am going to focus on one bit. I would like you to ask yourself, "How often do i actually ask the question i mean to ask?" I am guessing that you are like me in this and that often, probably more often than either of us realize, the real question and the true need that underlay it, gets sensored-out, watered-down--basically left on the cutting room floor. And what comes out is something only distantly related to what we really desire or need to know. Why? Well, i've done a bit of feeling around and i have come up with several possibilities--the main one being fear, probably fear of rejection/exile. That's always the big one. And i also come up against a politeness thing--but i think that is probably just the same fear in different clothes.

And i wonder how often questions cover our inability or unwillingness to trust each other with the contents of our hearts. How often do we ask a polite and innocuous question, because we need to engage or because engagement is expected, when there is something else, wild and inappropriate inside. What does that mean? And what would it be like if we could unlock the fearlessness to say what is true for us in this moment right now--always? And what would it mean to hold space for that--as the receiver of such communication?

I was googling around and at Space to Think, came across a link to Trevor's Blog with this quote: “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.” Mister (Fred) Rogers

The key here, for me, is "the people we trust with that important talk". What a gift and a blessing it is to be trusted so. And what a responsibility.
This happens in facilitating. People trust you to hold the space strongly enough for them to do and say what they need to do and say. I think this is where the practice of the still centre meets the practice of holding. In order to be not only worthy of that trust, but also capable of fulfilling it, i must do my own work to grow an authentic sense of self (a healthy ego, if you will) that can remain centred and still under the pressures of witnessing other's truth. The centre is involved further here, as the process of holding and opening more space when the group hits rough waters is also one of faith. We must be able to maintain faith in ourselves and most importantly, we must maintain an unshakeable faith in the capacity of those who are with us to find their own way forward.

Another short absence-apologies

Hello all,

I am going to be away again for a few days. I will be back posting mid-next week.

See you then,
Wendy

Woohoo! The Moose is Loose!

From buddy Brian Lamb at Abject Learning...Northern Voice 2 raises its head from the misty waters and waggles its antlers for another appearance in Feb 2006! And check this out...

We've tried to grow the event gently, without losing the informal community-oriented feel that we had last year. NV2006 won't be in a bigger venue, but we've added an extra day slated for Moose Camp:

What is Moose Camp? A self-organizing series of events modelled on Bar Camp and Foo Camp. Moose Camp is, to use the cliché, for the people, by the people. We’ve booked some rooms at the UBC downtown campus, you register for Friday and anyone participating in Moose Camp can post to our wiki to collaborate with other attendees. You can give a presentation, lead a discussion, or just attend.

Sounds like an Open Space conference variant to me! Go Moose!

Open Space Practice Workshop

My buddy (and awesome facilitator) Chris Corrigan and I are offering a 3-day Open Space Practice Workshop on Vancouver Island from November 15-17.

If you are interested, you can find an invitation here.

This is a new 3-day design built on the original 2-day workshop pioneered by Chris and colleague Michael Herman. We will be focusing on the four practices that support the facilitation of Open Space (and many other dialogic group processes): opening, inviting, holding, and grounding. It should be an amazingly deep three days full of experiential and co-creative learning to engage the mind, heart and body.

We would love to see you there!

Nesting cat and gardening guilt

nesting cat
Originally uploaded by the view from in here.

There are few things more enviable than a sun-warmed nesting cat. This is our cat, enjoying the sunshine outside my office window. You can see how much trouble i have gone to with my landscaping. I would like to say it' s permaculture...and I suppose it is, in a purist sense. My gardener works 365 days a year, i never pay her, don't have to tell her what to do, she consumes no fossil fuels, uses no man-made chemicals, and unfolds a thousand little surprises every day for my delight. She and i don't always see eye to eye--she thinks the middle of the driveway is an excellent place for growing grass, the raised beds are good for dandelions and thistles, and the kid's sandpile should be ringed with nettles. But then, as she is doing all the work, i don't feel i can push my opinions too strenuously or too often.

Ah yes, humour, the balm of the guilty conscience. One has neighbours you know...and family...with expectations...Okay, and one has a few expectations herself...

But, i have this ten year plan, you see. In ten years there will then be three teenage boys hanging about the place just waiting to show off to their mother how many rocks they can haul, flower beds they can dig, gravel they can spread...right? Right? Do not deprive me of my little illusions....

Ah well, I grew up in the middle of a mown field, that was occasionally an unmown field and i loved the wild tangle of it all. And while I sometimes wish for a planned and planted garden, i know i would miss the ferns and nettles, the self-heal and sorrel, the daisies and foxgloves, the vanilla leaf and salmonberries. A wild tangle outside can be its own kind of sanctuary--for the wild tangle inside.

Burns Bog is burning

Burns Bog is on fire again. Story here. We had haze and could smell the fire in Nanaimo today. Maybe it's a statement about the general level of cynicism around these days, but the first person i mentioned it to said, "Do you think it was sabotage? Started by the people who want to develop it?"

No, i don't. Not this time anyway. But it seems to be another demonstration of how poor we are at sharing space with our fellow creatures. Our needs first and theirs...well...somewhere way down the list.

Accountability site

Interesting site on accountability for government.
http://accountabilitycircle.org/

Fun blog

Just discovered Susan Juby's blog. She's funny--the saga of her last year's vacation with sick dog rides the quirky edge where pathos meets hilarity (entries for July 30th). She's also an award-winning Young Adult's author. Check it out.

What I've learned from Celtic Folktales

1. You know that yogic contortion involving a bathtub, a goat, and a spear that the oracle told you would be bad for your health, and at the time you thought to yourself, “Well, that should be easy to avoid.”? Don’t demonstrate it for the new girlfriend; she does not have your best interests at heart.

2. Avoid beautiful women singing in trees; avoid beautiful men singing anywhere.

3. Avoid beautiful women in general—go for the plain one with lots of cows, no jealous sisters, and a visible lack of male relatives of any kind.

4. If you come across a very large fish in clear pond in the dell and it speaks to you, contrary to what you might otherwise think, it will be good advice or at least reliable information.

5. If you are an unusually large porcine animal, don’t carry a grooming set between your ears. It will attract unwanted attention.

6. Jumping over branches of mistletoe can cause spontaneous pregnancy (even if it’s your first time).

7. Size does matter.

8. The guy with the biggest bull wins. See above.

9. Unusually intelligent or talking animals are probably somebody’s relative and do not make good pets. Their families (and a large number of well-armed friends) are looking for them. You may want to ask yourself if you really want to be around when they find them.

10. If your generations-old, bred-in-the-bone, orders-to-kill-on-sight enemies invite you over to their place for dinner, think twice. They have probably not had a sudden and unexpected change of heart or converted to Buddhism.

The bonus one: If you are a giant/king/supernatural being and you have a really beautiful daughter and some git with a claymore wants to marry her…just say, “YES!”. Throw a big party, embrace the guy, make him one of the family. It may not help, but it’s your best chance. Good luck.

Thanks to Jim Macdonald of Making Light for the inspiration and to Chris for the linkage.